The Inn On Bluebell Lane — Episode 40
The Inn On Bluebell Lane
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- 1. The Inn On Bluebell Lane — Episode 40
With a sigh Gwen lowered herself into a chair at the table as Suzanne bustled around the kitchen.
“You seem tired,” Suzanne remarked and Gwen let out a little laugh.
“That is a side effect of the treatment.”
“I mean more tired than usual.” Suzanne almost sounded accusatory.
“I suppose the effect is cumulative,” Gwen answered after a moment.
“That’s what the consultant told me, anyway.”
“Yes, perhaps.” Suzanne brought the teapot to the table and poured them both cups.
“I was surprised you had Ellie take you today,” she said.
Gwen tried not to sigh.
“Surprised?”
“It’s only, I’ve been taking you every day.”
“Yes, and I thought you could do with a break.”
“Was that really the reason, Mum?” Suzanne’s voice sounded hurt and Gwen felt a rush of guilt.
She knew how important it was for Suzanne to feel as if she were helping. As if she were in control.
She also knew she couldn’t keep managing her daughter and keeping her happy, not when she felt so tired and ill.
“It was part of it, Suzanne,” she said as she accepted her cup of tea.
“What was the other part?”
“I wanted to spend some time with Ellie.”
“You spend loads of time with Ellie. She lives here.”
Gwen felt as if they were heading towards a cliff, and there was nothing she could do about it but hold her breath and go over.
“Ellie wanted to talk to me about some ideas for the bed and breakfast,” she said after a moment. “That was part of it.”
“What ideas?”
“Just about how to market it,” Gwen said tiredly. “Nothing much.”
Suzanne was silent for a moment.
“You’ve never asked me about plans for the bed and breakfast,” she said finally, and Gwen did her best not to goggle at her.
“Ask . . .? But you’ve never been interested.”
Even though Suzanne lived nearby, she’d always been too busy with her own family and life to care much about the bed and breakfast.
At least, that was how it had always seemed to Gwen.
“I wasn’t interested because it was obvious you were keen for Matthew to be the one to take up the reins, not me.”
Gwen shook her head.
“Suzanne, if I’d ever thought for a moment you and Nathan wanted to help with it . . .”
“Oh, we couldn’t have done,” Suzanne answered. “I know that. It’s just . . .”
She drew a breath.
“I feel as if you’re cutting me out. As if you don’t want me to help.”
“I’m very grateful for your help,” Gwen said.
Here they were, right at the precipice of everything unsaid between them.
“But?” Suzanne returned bitterly.
“Oh, Suzanne.” Gwen let out a gusty sigh. “I love you dearly, but the truth is . . . it’s been hard work, having you taking me to chemo.”
Hurt made Suzanne’s face crumple before her expression hardened.
“Hard work?”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.” Gwen wished she could take the words back.
Hurting her daughter wouldn’t help anyone.
“How did you mean it?”
“It’s just . . . I know this is hard for you, darling. I know you like to feel in control, in charge.
“You want to do things. I understand that, truly.”
“You’re saying it as if it’s a bad thing,” Suzanne said with a sniff.
“Not bad. Just . . . exhausting. I feel as I have to manage you along with everything else.”
“Manage me?” Suzanne’s eyes flashed. “I promise you, Mum, you don’t need to manage me.
“I’ve just been trying to help you.
“The last thing I’d ever want to do is make things harder or worse for you.” Her voice vibrated with hurt and anger.
“But if my help is so difficult for you, then I suppose I shouldn’t offer it any more.”
“Suzanne, I didn’t –”
“Especially as you have Ellie to take you to chemo and do all the rest,” Suzanne added as she rose from the table.
“Suzanne, please. I really didn’t mean to hurt you.” Gwen’s head was pounding, her stomach churning, and she longed to lie upstairs in her darkened bedroom.
A big set-to with Suzanne was the last thing she needed.
“You haven’t hurt me,” Suzanne said stiffly as she gathered her coat.
“I just didn’t realise how difficult I was making things for you. But don’t worry. I won’t trouble you any further.”
“Please, Suzanne –”
“Bye, Mum,” Suzanne said, her voice turning thick with tears, and before Gwen could say another word her daughter was out of the door.
Gwen dropped her head into her hands.
All the fragile optimism she’d felt, chatting with Ellie, had drained out of her.
How could she have hurt Suzanne so badly?
And what was she going to do to make things better?